We create intimacy through conflict and play. Both are necessary for healthy relationships.
Healthy conflict is respectful and kind, it doesn’t dig up past events but stays in the present. Productive conflict uses “I” statements instead of blaming the other for behavior (I was frustrated when you were late vs. you are always late and it makes me mad). Ultimately healthy conflict seeks compromise and reconciliation - a third way where there aren’t winners and losers.
Traveling as a group means we will need to learn how to manage healthy conflict and even more we have to learn to offer and receive forgiveness.
One of the sayings we’ve inherited from ancient Athens is from the Melian Dialogue where in 500 BCE the people of Athens said to the neutral island of Mylos that they were going to destroy them, the people of Mylos said they were innocent and the Athenians responded “The strong do what they want and the weak suffer what they must.” We often translate this as “Might makes right.” If you aren’t working on developing healthy conflict resolution skills then chances are you will inherit this ancient sense that the strongest and loudest wins.
Christianity is not about bullying, but it also isn’t about niceness and avoiding conflict. This faith is about meeting each other in all our messiness and figuring out what love and forgiveness look like.