December 14

Luke 1The angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. 31And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus. 32He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David.

My angel sits on the top shelf in my room.  I keep her close because she holds the ashes of my first-born son.

I’ve never felt such happiness and joy until I knew that I was expecting my first baby.  Having a family was something that I’ve wanted and prayed for since I was a child.  I lost him at 20 weeks due to a genetic disorder.  I really can’t find the words to describe the most painful experience of my life.  I wasn’t sure if I was able to have any more children.  It also made me fearful of the possibility of going through that kind of grief and sorrow again. 

I think of Mary often during the advent season.  She was chosen by God to give the world the most precious gift, a son, our Savior Jesus.  I can only imagine the thoughts and feelings going through her head during that time.  After all, it was unexpected.  Yet despite what she felt, she accepted God’s message and had ultimate faith in His plan.

Although I still struggle with fear, I believe in God’s design for my life.  I choose to have hope in spite of sometimes being fearful of the unknown.  I can trust God because He always keeps His promises.  Even when I feel that life is unbearable, He fills me with His enduring love, gives me courage and strength to go on.

Today, I have three beautiful and healthy children.  They have continued to keep me on an emotional roller coaster ride in this journey of motherhood.  But even after the most challenging of days, I am incredibly thankful to God for them.   

Lord, thank you for Your gift of life, source of strength and everlasting love.  Thank you for always keeping Your promises.  Help me to give up my fears and doubts up to You and fill me with Your love, courage and strength.Amen.