I don’t want to take away the sorrow of endings by saying they are transformations not annihilations, but I find that it allows me to be curious and not as afraid. When I talk with my spiritual director about grieving lost relationships, expectations, or the capacity to sneeze and not pee, she responds by saying, “I wonder . . . “
Sometimes it’s annoying, but I’ve found myself wondering more and judging less. She avoids the regret wondering and never asks, “What if you hadn’t said that stupid thing?” Those are the kind of questions I ask, but she asks, “I wonder what that relationship will look like now” or “I wonder what taking a break could reveal.”
They are questions to which I don’t know the answer, but unlike my guilt ridden rehashing I’m interested in seeking the answers and in a potential position to find out. Since I can’t rewind the past to fix my mistakes, there is a giftedness to being curious about the future. Endings are openings for change.