Breathe

Right now I’m sitting in the Mendenhall Library. I have my coffee and my homework. I’m next to a window, and instead of studying for my chemistry test, I’m watching an eagle fly and writing this little reflection.                    
There’s a lot going on right now. The SAT is rapidly approaching. I have tests left and right, and mountains of homework that I (try) to climb every night. Soon I will be sitting in Safeway for four hours every weekend trying to sell cookies for my Girl Scout troop. I’m writing a letter to the Senate in an attempt to increase school funding. I started my second job last week. And, despite the fact that I am only 16, I find myself researching every college I hear about, desperately trying to find a place that I will fit into a year from now.
The pressure is crushing. I feel overwhelmed and drained constantly. It is hard to find motivation and harder to do things that I enjoy doing. At times like this, it’s difficult to figure out what I am working for, why I am trying so hard. School feels pointless because it all seems like “prep work”. I never know what it is preparing me for, so it just feels like busywork. Additionally, everything is a competition. Every time I feel like I’m doing something right or when I feel like I’m adequately caught up, or even just a little smart, I hear about someone who’s doing a million times better than I am. Someone I know has already committed to a top college with a full ride scholarship. Another person is on the Dean’s List for Robotics. Someone else is literally inventing new ways to make plastic out of seaweed. How am I supposed to stand out against people like that? How am I supposed to succeed?
The answer that everyone tells me is this: chill out. “Just relax Lauren.” Like, oh my god. It’s not that hard right? Right. Haha. Funny.
Honestly though, they’re right. Although it seems so at the time, nothing is that serious. Yeah, there’s a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it, but the fact is, I can do it. It will take lots of work and commitment, but I can do it. However encouraging that is though, it’s not the point of this little letter. For Lent, I’m giving up comparing myself to others. Just because a girl I know is basically guaranteed to get into Harvard doesn’t mean that I do anything less important than she is. I’m still allowed to feel accomplished about my little victories.                        
I am also giving up feeling guilty about having fun. There is no reason for me to be stressed about my Government assignment while I’m with my friends. I am allowed, as a teenager and as a person, to go and have a good time. For Lent, I’m going to slow down. I’m going to take my time and think through things. I’m going to be kind, to myself, and to others. And most of all, I’m going to relax a little. I deserve it.                        
I think a lot of people need to be reminded of that occasionally. So, if you do, maybe take a little trip to the library. Sit in the window and watch the sky. Take a breath and remind yourself that it’s gonna be okay.                        
Breathe in. Breathe out. It’s gonna be okay.
-Lauren